Your voices swirl and welcome me

Hem me in, this anthem sweet

We are all familiar now

In each other's blood somehow

I will never be a stranger

I will never be alone

Cause deep inside of me I know that

Wherever you are, is home

So raise a glass and gather round

Toast the night and friendships found

I lay to rest my troubled face

Breathe deep this amazing grace

Sometime soon this road may part

Mine may end where yours starts

Should you ever need me

You'll know where I'll always be.

I am standing on the shores of the raging sea, watching a title wave rising in the distance. Its gaining speed and force. Rising in size and power. I stand trembling on its shores and instead of running to my safe cave to the left I dive in and swim right into it. I boldly advance towards the mighty wave. I go not on a suicide mission, but I go because between me and this wave lies a rock. A solitary rock that stands above the water, beckoning me out. It calls out "I never said I'm safe, but I am good. And I am faithful. And I am your only chance at surviving this thing."

So I swim. I swim like hell to the rock that's calling out my name, begging me to trust. I swim into the frightening storm and straight into my Saviors arms.

This incubator, this lifestyle, has become safe. Somehow, while I wasn't looking, it became my safe harbor. Somewhere along the way it turned into my normal and I forgot that at one point the prospect of a trip like this was my storm. I can remember standing on the shores of this year, looking out into the unknown and shaking in fear. I knew it was going to transform me and my reality, although in my naivety I underestimated the gravity of transformation that comes with encounters of the Almighty. I feared the responsibility that came with seeing a dying world. I feared the insufficiency on my behalf to do anything about it. I didn't trust Him then and Im struggling to trust Him now.

Its time for a new storm.

I sat sobbing tonight as I watched the wave of transition rising in the distance. In 10 short days I will hit U.S. soil and life will drastically change, yet again.

Over the last year life has been a bittersweet privilege. I have been honored to watch God's people shine across the earth. Every day I think "How is this my life? Why did God bless me with this crazy pilgrimage? How did I get so lucky??" I have witnessed great victory and immense tragedy. I have slept in over 50 locations, moving on average every 6 days between 14 countries, across 3 continents. I have lived amongst the poor and hurting nations, loved them the best I knew how, and sat broken at the alter with them as we surrendered our lives and mess up to our healer and provider. I came to serve them and was humbled time and again as they served us.

We sang and danced in the dirt of Africa, laughed with children of every color, and I took notes as we watched Mama's fight for their nation to raise up out of despair and hopelessness. Women in Serbia taught me what it was to be a wife and mother. Ive floated in the dead sea and walked where Jesus walked. I peed on my feet more times than I could count, not thinking anything of it. I basked in the exhilaration of bucket showers after painstakingly hot days in the jungles of Cambodia.

I have held a man after watching his wife die of aids, I have counseled a woman who was beat the morning before church by her husband for being a Christian, but she came anyways. I was baptized in a muslim nation on a day of thanksgiving. I conquered fears and chose adventure. I hung out with prostitutes in Thailand. I watched a mother in Uganda bury her baby that died of Malaria- the same disease that I, along with half our squad, contracted at some point in Africa. I prayed with a 13 year old gypsy girl  as she encountered the Holy Spirit for the first time on a moonlit hill in Romania.

But I did none of this. The Lord did it all. I had nothing to give, no good of my own accord or strength could have accomplished any of it. Tonight a friend reminded me of God's promise in Phillipians- "He will finish the good work He began in you Dre. He began it before this race, and it will continue beyond this year." He began a work, long ago, in my friends around the world too, and is continuing it after I have left. I just got the joy of being a very small part of Gods story in them. What a blissful and trying joy it has been.

So it continues. The story goes on. I will swim out to the rock and listen for His gentle whisper through the raging waters of emotion and confusion. I will trust that He is good and faithful, just like the sunrise I watched this morning from my treehouse.

He never said He was safe, but He is good.

Breathe.

Its all not as grand and scary and altruistic and overwhelming as it sounds.

Its raw and real and full of God's love.

That much I can promise... the rest is gonna change everyday. Nothing will be like you read it would. Some days will be just like you imagined but most days (if you allow them to)  will blow your socks off and surprise the hell out of you.

You'll wake up in a foreign place and do you your morning routine that includes the first 3 questions of the day to reorient yourself 

"What country am I in? Who's sleeping next to me? What day is it?"

Then you take a deep breath and realize this is just another day on your crazy love adventure with your creator around the globe. No biggie.

With all of that said- I always promised myself that when I finally got on the race I would write the newbie's a vet's manual (not like it means anything- cuz you'll probably have a completely different race- when they say die to your expectations, just do it. You'll thank them later. Eventually.) But I just felt it my moral obligation to at least attempt tipping you off to a few tricks we've picked up on as weve traveled.

 Here's part one:

Thing's I will never take for granted again:

Having Toilet paper, more less being able to flush it

Fresh Fruit and Vegetables 

Traffic laws that enforce my safety.

Personal space- to cry, freak out, breath, ect...

Free High Speed Wifi

Knowing where I will sleep next week.

A bed with a pillow and comforter

An electrical outlet I don't have to share with 10 other people.

A dryer to reshape my clothes into their original form

Fluffy, yummy smelling towels after a hot shower or long bath

A good Hefenweizen 

Free refills- really, free anything. 

Chips and salsa, pickles, and REAL coffee (odd I know, staples in my life none the less)

Driving on the 101 in SiSi the scion blaring my music with no destination.

My back porch and my best friends.

Everyone's list will be different- this is just my quirky compilation of unnecessary luxuries I have craved in moments of much needed comfort. Make your list, soak it up now and then surrender em. God will surprise you anyways and give you things you thought you wouldn't see for a year.

This year will change your life, but it will be completely different then your fantasizing in your head. It will be full of God's glory, messy converstaions, thrilling adventure, exhausting days, and the sobering reality of all your short comings being reflected in real community.

Go release your expectations like they told you and lay down in the throne room for a while. Go let Him love on you and sing over you. 

That's the only preparation you need this year.

Lay down.

3 nights ago, my first night doing minstry at the bars, I met a woman named Lee*.

She was drunk as a skunk, and she could barely hold a conversation. Whiskey breath that hit you like a wave of nausea- you could almost feel the impending hangover for her. Her friend Jung* was holding a sign that read "GIRLS FOR SALE". Both in tight black dresses that would be considered a shirt on most and 3 inch heels their intoxication barely let them walk in. 

We ordered our coke lights and started up a game of Jenga with our new friends (the bars provide games to fill the time for their male customers between the drinks and the sex... jenga, connect 4, ect. Works well for us too- gives us space to strike up decent conversation.) She was relentless to get us on the stage and pole dance with her, we were just as relentless to to know her story and love on her instead.

We found out it was her birthday in a few days and we promised to come back with a present to celebrate her. We arrived last night with a cookie and a beautiful necklace made from fragrant flowers. She was so surprised we remembered and so excited to see us. She was jumping up and down, laughing like a little girl. We sat to have a soda with her and asked her about her day. She slept most of her birthday because she had a "client" the night before and was very tired she said. We invited Lee and Jung to lunch today and they agreed to come!

We met them around 1:00 at the Starbucks down the street from her bar (which she also lives above- its their 'salary' - they make no money unless purchased by the men). They arrived in the same clothes they wore the night before- hungover and lookin a hot mess, but beautiful to me. Vulnerable, innocent little girls in my eyes that were so hungry for friendship and real love. Lee had new brusies on her arms and when I asked about them, she only replied with, "My client was very drunk last night...."

 A 20 year old drunk kid from Europe bought my 

friend for sex last night, on her birthday, and then beat her up in his drunken stupor. 

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as I looked at her across the table.... 

We asked about her family- she has a 4 year old son that her ex-husband has and will not allow her to see. She cried as she talked about how badly she missed her child and wished she could be with him, that's when I started explaining why we were in Thailand. I told them all about S.H.E. I told them their options and what was available to them. I told them I loved them and that they deserved to be treated as princess's. Tears welled up as I told them how I prayed for them when we got home last night. I prayed that they would come today so I could tell them how much I cared about them and how desperately I wanted to see them free to pursue the desires of their hearts.

They agreed to come and see the center on Monday! I told them that they never had to be with another client again and they never had to work another night at the bar if they wanted to come home with us tonight. I sware she was on the verge of caving in and saying yes- but then her and Jung began babbling in Thai. She said that Monday would be great...

Then the phone rang. Jung began yelling in Thai and Lee exploded in sobbing. Their friend was killed last night. This Italian man was once a client. A man that bought them for sex has now become a 'friend' because of how often he frequents the island and their bar. He was killed last night by a Lady Boy (a man dressed and acting as a woman, but in Thailand it is almost its own gender alongside male and female.) The Lady boy broke a bottle and sliced his throat. That's all the information we got through the tears, broken English and screaming in Thai. Daina and I held them as they cried and talked. We offered to go with them to the hospital, but they had to go back and clean the bar before they could go. These women were grieving the death of a man that had purchased them for years as though he were family.

What a distorted version of love they know. 

What a demented perception of friendship.

A few hours later, I am sitting at the same table where all of this occurred, writing out the tragedy of Lee's last 48 hours. My heart is scattered all of this corner of the coffee shop. All I wanna do is go back to her bar tonight and take her and Jang home with me. All I wanna do is protect my friend, hold while she grieves, and love her right where she's at.

But it will have to wait because they have a bar to run tonight and clients to appease. The grieving will have to wait til the morning. But you better believe I'll be there tomorrow when their ready to go scream and cry on the beach....

*Names have been changed.